Parents and teachers are often told to praise children for their efforts, with a strong caveat that they must do it the right way to raise and teach well-rounded children. Erik Erikson's outlines 8 Stages of Development in which he states that children ages 5 to 11 go through the stage titled "Industry vs. Inferiority". It is emphasized in this stage that children benefit greatly from encouragement and praise in order to feel a sense of satisfaction with their accomplishments. Although many recognize this to be true, it can feel daunting to know exactly what to say to a child. The following provide some tips and specific examples on how best to praise a child.
1. Be Specific – Children respond well to praise and feedback that is specific to the action they are performing. Instead of saying something that is broad like "good job", educators are encouraged to say, "thank you for putting your drawing materials away as this helps to keep the classroom tidy"
2. Praise the Effort – It is important to praise the effort instead of the outcome in order to foster a growth mindset. Instead of saying "great job on getting an A+ on your test", educators and parents are encouraged to say "I saw how many hours you spent studying. It can be hard to stay focused for so long, but you did it".
3. Build Self-Esteem – Children can become more self-conscious if they are continuously praised for their looks. Instead of saying "you are so beautiful", try saying "I love your pigtails! Is that your favourite way to do your hair?"
4. Avoid Making It About Bad and Good – It is easy for children to attach a sense of morality to their behaviour when they are consistently told they are a good or bad person. The best way to praise a child is to say "good job on that task" instead of saying "good boy" or "good girl". Children will start to feel that they are good for doing the things that are asked of them by the parents.
The topic of praising children is of great interest to me because I have a four-year-old nephew who just started Junior Kindergarten. He is a well-behaved kid who has a positive and outgoing personality. I became more aware of how the adults in his life were praising him and wanted to ensure that I was doing it in a constructive way. I immediately stopped say "good boy" and replaced it with a specific praise for a task he completed. I also became more aware of times when he would traditionally not receive praise. The most recent example I have of this would be that his parents bought him a basketball net, which he loves playing with. I noticed that I would often celebrate and applaud him when he got the ball in the net. I stopped and wondered if he would soon only correlate receiving a pat on the back with success – even at times when he was trying hard but wasn't necessarily "succeeding". I now take time to notice when he is putting a lot of effort into his shot and praise him for that instead of just when he gets it in.
He will also say things like "basketball is really hard" and I will respond back with "it is really hard, but you will get better with practice!" Overall, I think it is so important how adults talk to children, and I will certainly be employing the tips for praising them that I outlined above.
Katherine J @ Niagara U (OTECC)
References:
https://www.mother.ly/parenting/try-these-10-mindful-phrases-to-effectively-praise-your-kids
https://www.verywellmind.com/erik-eriksons-stages-of-psychosocial-development-2795740
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