The Consequences of Overconfidence

The discussions about confidence in last week's learning key workshop reminded me of my experiences with overconfidence growing up. I was a typical "gifted kid", and I knew it. I picked up math and science easily, and I never really needed to pay attention in class to do so. I felt entitled to my grades, which were reinforced at home, where results were prioritized over effort. For a while, this system worked well for me. I didn't find school very difficult, and my grades were great. My mindset was fixed. If I didn't do well in something, such as dance, I would usually decide that I didn't do well because I wasn't good at it, not because of my unwillingness to try. Like many gifted children, I eventually did hit my wall. In my case, this happened in grade 8. My teacher wanted our class to learn upper grade level math concepts to help prepare us for high school. I kept up with business as usual, spending the lessons playing on my phone and chatting with friends, and of course, not taking notes or doing homework. When the time for the test arrived, I walked into the class as confident as ever that it would make sense to me, that I would simply do the math, and it would work itself out. It didn't. I failed the test, and my teacher emailed my parents, since he was concerned about that grade coming out of nowhere. My parents were upset and disappointed since my grade output had dropped, but they didn't seem to regard my struggles with the material in class as an issue. Since I was smart, I should have been able to figure it out on my own. I gave up on math for the rest of the year, since I "wasn't good at it anymore". It sounds dramatic, but because of how fragile my confidence was, one test was all it took. Giving up led me to fail a few more math tests that year, which sank my confidence even further. At the end of the year, I ended up with Cs in math, which was the first time I had ever received a C grade in my life.

In hindsight, I'm grateful for that time. Challenging as it was, it brought some important changes in my life. My parents started to encourage my effort in class, not just my grades (as my grade 8 teacher suggested). I also started to build up study skills on my own, since I cared about my grades and saw firsthand that I needed those skills to succeed. In class, we have discussed many times how telling a child over and over again that they are so smart can be harmful, and I feel that I'm a good example of that. Even though I've grown a lot, I still struggle to separate my self-esteem from my grades to this day.

AaronK@OTU