The issue of confidence in relation to student learning from this past week's lecture and seminar presentation is something I've personally grappled with a lot throughout my education. Two of the biggest struggles I've had as a student throughout my high school and university education were a lack of confidence in my academic abilities and my fear of appearing "stupid". I was one of those students who was too anxious to put my hand up when I didn't understand a concept due to the fact that I didn't want to appear stupid in front of my classmates. As a child, I internalized the idea that I was "smart" and it was an act that I felt I had to keep up whenever I was in class. It felt good that people thought I was smart, and I really didn't want to prove them wrong by getting a question incorrect, or showing that I didn't understand a concept that was easily understood by the rest of the class. I don't think that this is necessarily the fault of my teachers, friends, or parents for telling me that I was "smart". I honestly think that when students are put in an environment where they are given grades, it is natural for them to compare their scores with one another and consequently start labeling themselves as "smart" or "stupid" based on their academic performance. As silly as this sounds, this issue caused me to waste lots of time searching for answers on my own that could have been quickly answered by the teacher if I had the courage to speak up in front of the class and risk sounding "stupid". I even had a hard time committing to studying for tests. This is because if I truly tried my hardest to study and I ended up failing, in my mind it was concrete evidence that I was a failure. As a result, I would kind of unconsciously half-study for most of my subjects so that when I received a poor grade I could just tell myself "Whatever, I didn't really even try, and that's why I did poorly. My poor score has nothing to do with my intelligence". This is embarrassing to say, but it honestly took me until my second year of university to shake this problem.
The reason I was able to finally get past this way of thinking was due to something I noticed time and time again in my university courses. I constantly observed that the best students in the class were asking the questions that I was too afraid to ask. I found that the students who commonly asked "dumb questions" were actually the ones with the highest grades in many of my high school and university classes. I think that much of their academic success can be attributed to the fact that they had a much more flexible view of themselves with regard to education and learning. They could get questions wrong and consequently learn and grow from their mistakes in order to become better students. As a result, I realized that the insecurity and lack of confidence in my own abilities was one of the main things holding me back from learning. I also realized that nobody is really paying attention to you or your mistakes and that I really needed to stop being so self-focused. I really think that as educators we need to hammer home the idea that getting things wrong is just part of the learning process. I think that if I had teachers and professors that were willing to be a little more vulnerable and provide concrete examples where they personally struggled with course content I would have maybe reached this point of comfortability a little bit earlier. But also maybe not! It's really hard to know whether that would have truly made a difference for me when I was younger.
After observing this week's lecture and seminar presentation I'm glad that we are learning about how to cultivate a growth mindset. I think that if I was taught about that term earlier in my life and the reasons why it's important, it may have helped improve my confidence when I was a kid. I look forward to helping students that felt similar to me transcend their fears and insecurities by showing them I was in their shoes once too.
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